Autumn has arrived, the leaves have changed, the air now carries a brisk chill, and in the back of everyone’s mind sits a turkey, surrounded by mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and family. Airlines have already sent out their “your trip is coming up” emails, and everyone is already panicking about how much they can manage to bring home for a week. Soon, every trendy café and coffee shop will be flooded with old high school friends, catching up as if the months they spent apart were only a couple days. But before college students can travel back home, where food is free and clothes are mysteriously washed and folded, we must show how thankful we are for our college friends, by celebrating the best and only way we know how: through food, laughs, friendship, and responsible consumption.
I’m talking about FRIENDSGIVING!!!
A magical holiday event where the food is sometimes questionable, the company is phenomenal, and the drinks are cheap and plentiful. College students are given the opportunity to show how much of an adult they are by organizing a group dinner and providing some sort of consumable product. For those of you who can only manage to bring “apple cider” and prepackaged food, we still love you despite your lack of craftiness. But if you are actively on Pintrest and regularly get Michael’s emails, then listen up. Here is your guide to the perfect Friendsgiving.
Ditch the Turkey: Even if you pull it off, no one is going to care, because all they will be thinking about is eating. Also, you janky stove that your landlord promises is “fire safe” is not the best place to cook a heavy bird. So pick up some turkey breasts, throw on some herbs and spices and cook that sucker. The Barefoot Contessa is also always there to help you out.
Food Assignments: For people who burn water, just ask them to bring some dinner rolls, or better yet more drinks. For those who love to cook, quantity is better than quality. Don’t show up with 200 overcooked green beans, but also don’t show up with 20 truffle infused organic carrots with a balsamic glaze. Opt for roasted vegetables, the more colorful the better!
Decorations: There will probably only be a handful of people in your friend group who truly understand the art of crafting. But anyone can make an easy centerpiece with a bowl, a candle, and some pinecones. Dispersing some fun mini pumpkins on the table also brings some festivity to the event. But if you want to go above and beyond (and understand that doing this will cause everyone to make fun of you) you can make everyone a decorative glass marker. Just pick up some fake leaves, black paper, and jewelry wire and show everyone who the true Craft Queen is.
And as lame as it sounds, the very last and most important part of Friendsgiving is to appreciate and love your friends. College is a fleeting time where every cliché somehow proves to be true, and to waste this time is a disgrace. So if you see turkey-shaped glasses, or a shirt that says “get your fat pants ready,” go ahead and buy them. Because college is the time to ride a Razor scooter to class and openly celebrate a holiday that was made up so that friends could party one last time before Thanksgiving break.